I always try to imagine the process of deciding, and it’s hard to take it seriously.

“Carnidal Donatello has done some great work for the church, and the nuns really like him.”

“Yes, sure, I agree with you there. However, I think that Mortimer has been much closer to God. I saw him the other day – Mortimer, that is, not God – and I swear he was radiating with light.”

“Mortimer truly does radiate with light, but that may have been due to his proximity to the CNPP back in '86, and might explain his extra appendages… You’ve certainly been quiet through these deliberations, Marco. What are your thoughts on the matter?”

“Me? Oh. Well… I kind of like Bill.”

"When asked how they managed to fend off the reptiles, crash survivor Amos Moses said, “I just knock 'em in da head wit a stump.”

That man enjoys gentle mornings beside the goose garden.

Next one will be the Tesla Model 80085…

His juvenile enthusiasm for the letter X is so ten-year-old boy with sunglasses.

The voters for sure. I’ve engaged with so many obnoxious, irrational, hyper-aggressive people lately who are so high on their own farts and delusion that they’re beyond getting through to. One guy even offered to “fly me out today” to fight him over the subject. Right-wing propoganda has them angry at their own shadow.

I know advocating for violence is frowned upon, but maybe fucking these people up is the only way to get through to them. Seems to be the only language they speak by the end of any argument.

That would have been the only footage of a human getting their head blown apart that I would have watched every day over breakfast.

That Pledge of Allegiance shit really worked.

I’m honestly surprised, what with the rate of suicides due to people having to live with the fact that they live in Ohio.

My wife (bless her sweet heart) for years thought the song said “outdoor cookin’ starts today”.